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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?" Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu: You get what you deserve.
"I never had hips. It's because I don't have kids. Everybody tells me that once I have a kid, I'll grow some hips. That's cool, but what do you do with the kid?"
"I have good news and bad news," the defence lawyer says to his client. "What's the bad news?" The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene." "Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?" "Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hillary.