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"I have good news and bad news," the defence lawyer says to his client. "What's the bad news?" The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene." "Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?" "Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
"I never had hips. It's because I don't have kids. Everybody tells me that once I have a kid, I'll grow some hips. That's cool, but what do you do with the kid?"