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A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.
I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant, because... I believe in myself.