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You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
A woman at a golf course begins yelling, ''I've been stung by a bee!'' Her golf instructor asks her where she had been stung. ''Between the first and second hole,'' she replies. The golf instructor tells her, ''Oh, your stance is too wide.''
"Mom can I get twenty bucks?", "Does it look like I am made of money?", "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
Dear God, my prayer for the next year is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don't mix it up like you did this year.
A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and the brunette sees her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"