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Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.