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What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait, I'm describing my bed again.
A sick patient asked his doctor, ''Flu?'' The doctor replied, ''No, I came on my bicycle actually!''
How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? Wave.
One time, a guy handed me a picture and said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger". Every picture of you is when you were younger.
What do you get when you cross an iPhone 6 plus and skinny jeans? A LG Flex.