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You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
A woman at a golf course begins yelling, ''I've been stung by a bee!'' Her golf instructor asks her where she had been stung. ''Between the first and second hole,'' she replies. The golf instructor tells her, ''Oh, your stance is too wide.''
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
"Mom can I get twenty bucks?", "Does it look like I am made of money?", "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"